P. M. D. D.

Guys, another post about PMS, blood, and tampons. It's the last one I swear. At least for a couple days. Hey at least I warn ya!

In a previous post (which blogger tried to eat) I mentioned about the insanity I go through a couple days before my period starts. I honestly thought that what I was feeling was just "in my head". Then my lovely love Deus Ex Machina told me to look up PMDD. Being the good follower I am, I googled it and got the shock of my life. 

PMDD stands for premenstrual dysphoric disorder. As I began reading the websites about what it was and the symptoms, it was like I was literally reading  a script of exactly what I go through each month. I had no idea that it was real let alone had a name. While 75% of women suffer from mild to moderate forms of PMS, only about 5% of women suffer from PMDD. The difference between PMS and PMDD has to do with severity and PMDD is disruptive to the life of the woman where as PMS is discomforting it does not actually interfere with daily activities on the level that PMDD does. 

I know for me, the week before my period is pure hell. Not only for me but for anyone stupid enough to breathe the same air I am breathing. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I get irritated that I am irritated. I want to just hit, kill, punch, murder something. I have no idea why. I cry for no reason which pisses me off because I hate to cry. Then crying makes me even more irritable to the point where I just want to run away from my own body. Sometimes I don't sleep but sometimes those few days are the only days I actually do sleep in a month. Bloating. Don't get me started on the bloating. I swear I gain ten pounds during those days. At least. Then the day after my period actually starts, all of this just disappears.

So why am I making a post about this again? Because I know I am not the only person that feels like their crazy has gone crazy. That is exactly what it feels like during those few days. I also know if I had no idea what it was that was happening to me then most likely other women won't know either. I also know that unless they have a good doctor who actually listens to their symptoms and takes it seriously that most likely their symptoms will be ignored and chalked up to "it's just that time of the month". While yes it is because "it is that time of the month" what you're experiencing is not typical. It can be treated. It is extremely common in women with major depressive conditions such as bipolar. So when you go to your doctor ask them about PMDD. It is real and can be treated. It is not just in your head.

Here are a few websites that have more info about PMDD:

Facts for Health

Healthy Place
National Association for PMS


Books on PMDD:
                    

      

R.A.W. Emotions

There is talk of blood, PMS, and tampons in this post. Guy(s), you've been warned. Proceed with caution.

R.A.W. 

That is how I feel at the moment. Like every nerve ending I have is exposed and even the slight touch of a morning's breeze hurts me. I am easily irritated. Stupid little things get on my nerves and cause me to feel anxious, nervous, panicked. Every month I get this way. 

Raw. I feel exposed. As if I have been left out in the open. Vulnerable. As if a predator is about to attack. Only I have no idea who or what it is or from where it is coming. 

Every month I get this way. About 3-4 days before my period starts. While I know women get PMS, this seems to be PMS on crack. At times I am so frustrated I just want to hit something or someone. If I could just scream nonstop for five minutes I think I would feel better. It's like having a murderer bottled up inside of me that is trying to escape. A living breathing entity of madness that has crept inside of me that now has awakened and is desperately fighting for its freedom. Except I am certain if it is given freedom that I would be its first victim.

After I married Jigger, I began noticing this pattern. Not for the first year, but that was mostly because I wasn't paying attention. However, the last two years I have been because I have been trying to get a handle on my bipolar symptoms. I have noticed that during this time we usually have a fight. It is the only time we argue. Everything he says pisses me off. I feel his every word is an attack against me. As if he is intentionally trying to hurt me. The banana fight happened during these days as well. 

 We also fight because I have no idea what it is I want. Food that I normally love, I suddenly hate. I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I am hot one minute, cold the next. I feel hungry but don't want food. The thought of eating literally makes me sick, but at the same time I am hungry. I freak out if Jigger isn't home but when he gets home I can't stand to have him near me. I realize that nothing I am feeling makes sense but no matter what I do I cannot stop the roller coaster of emotions that is roaring through me.

Everything I have read about bipolar and PMS seems to suggest that women with bipolar tend to have less mood swings and less irritability than non-bipolar women. The reason they give is because women with bipolar are on mood stabilizers such as lithium. Since PMS is basically a fluctuation of hormones and moods, the lithium helps to control this so women with bipolar don't have PMS. But what about non-medicated women with bipolar? I haven't been able to find anything about this. 

That is the reason I am writing about this.

PLumbing-Splosion!!!!!!!!

This morning I woke up to the sound of rain! Loud pouring rain that almost soothed me back to sleep, but then I was so excited to see that the snow may be melting I had to sit up in the bed I made in my loft, to look down to the windows. Only....
there was no rain!
I started my way down the ladder, with even more excitement thinking, OH YES my pipes have defrosted and I have running water again for the first time in 2 weeks!!!!!!!
But....
when I got down the ladder to my horror my cabin was flooding, with all the water I had wished for everyday. I had my wish, but it was pouring out with force by the gallon onto the floor from underneath the sink somewhere. I pulled out my stove as fast as i could to get a better look only to see the stupid sediment filter had cracked to pieces! Because it has been so COLD in my cabin (without having insulation yet) that not only did my plants melt and die, the water had froze in my tub to ice, but now my filter had cracked and was spewing all over.
I ran outside, slip sliding through slushy snow, scampering under my house to find the shut off valve - which i assumed would be right at the water source before it comes into the cabin... but...
it wasn't there. No. Shut. Off. Valve!
I began ripping plastic vapor barrier off the under side of the cabin only to be deluged in waterfalls of water that had been filling up in the plastic, water down my sleeves and on my face, wetting my hair - while cramped under the cabin. No. shut. off. valve.
I ran back inside, tried dumping buckets, but it would fill faster then I could ever dump. I ran my hands along the pipe lines feelings for something, anything that could save me.
I went back under the house to poke holes in the vapor barrier only to slip and hit my hand on a rock and cut myself. Open cut, bleeding. Grrrrrrrrr!
Now...
it's times like this i realize, i am alone out here. Water is pouring everywhere, coming right through the siding of my cabin, dripping out the outside wall. Just the day before I was punching icicles off the Luck Cabin and cursing the bad winter, begging the universe that be to PLZ melt this shit. OK, so i didn't mean quite like that!
........
I went inside to look at the pouring filter, to write down what size & type it was, since it was obvious a new filter case would be a possible answer to this bullshit moment (not a good solution, just A solution). I have to say I never really liked the idea of a filter, I find that EVERYTHING that is more advanced, everything that is dependent on the system, everything similar to things like filters causes more problems in the end. I cursed the filter, and decided my gall bladder can be my water filter.
But....
while getting soaked under there, i put my hand underneath the sediment filter and.. FELT THE SHUT OFF VALVE!!!!!!!!! hiding!!!!!!!!
Turned off the water.
............................................................
Lessons :

• Pex piping still didnt break or come apart in the bad sub zero weather and was good! Pex RULES!
• Cabin needs insulation or this is totally insane
• Filters mean more money, more problems, more environmental waste and break easily in the cold (AKA, i am removing the filter.)
• Gravity fed spring water.... needs proper shut off valve somewhere OUTSIDE cause you can't stop the water flow. Also,the water keeps on flowing during sub zero weather which is good. I think the shut off should always be right at the very beginning of the pipes that are going to the house, right where the water comes up out the ground.
• No matter how much you prepare, shit happens. It is life.

SONG FOR THE DAY:

XOxoxoxo