Good Bye

I love you all. You gave me so much in the short time I knew you and I will forget you. Be safe and take care.

Just One for Me Please

So I have been out of it for the last few days. Last couple weeks actually. I am certain a lot of it has to do with me not being medicated. I am also a rapid cycler* which doesn't help matters and I tend to "switch"*  regularly which only makes me even harder to get along with. It's like being on a never ending roller coaster. I appreciate all of you hanging in there with me. It's strange for me to have so "many" people that I am interacting with. Something about the distance of being "online" makes it easier for me to interact with so many people all at once.

Offline however is a far different story. I often only have ONE friend at a time. I watch ONE TV show at a time (when/if I watch TV that is). I have ONE food that I eat (when/if I eat). My life offline revolves around the singular. Anything plural makes me nervous, anxious, panicky. Having more than ONE friend at a time is just more than my brain can comprehend. I stress myself out and worry that one will become jealous if I spend time with the other. Or even worse they will become friends and BOTH leave me.

I feel I have more control in my online relationships. I can turn them on or off as I see fit. I can reply when I choose and there isn't the feeling of having to put on a "front". If I am feeling pissy, then I just don't come online. No need to explain my absence. No need to answer unwanted questions. When I make a post saying I am having an off day, the people here understand and don't push me beyond my comfort zones. Maybe it's because the majority of my online relationships are also with people who have bipolar or another PD so there is an understanding that doesn't exist with the people offline because none of them have bipolar and/or don't know that I have it.

I have had to do quite a bit of physical work the last few days which has helped me to kick depression out of my bed sooner than I normally would have. I have noticed that the more physically active I am the less severe my depression is and the less it stays. The problem is that I can't always be as active as I have been the last few days so when depression rears its ugly head, it usually bends me over and has its way with me for as long as it wants and only leaves when it's good and ready to.

rapid cycling: The official definition of rapid cycling is four or more distinct episodes of depression and hypo/mania a year. 

switch:   If you go from one episode DIRECTLY into another type of episode, with no normal mood period in between, this is a "switch," which is usually considered worse than just plain rapid cycling.

When shadows paint the scenes
Where spotlights used to fall
And I'm left wondering
Is it really worth it all?

There's a peace inside us all
Let it be your friend
It will help you carry on In the end
There's a peace inside us all 

"inside us all -creed"

Funky Junk Farm Table

Joining Donna's Funky Junk Farm Table Party...

 The feet are fashioned from the over 100 year old siding from our home...Josh joined them together, just like the feet he puts on his potting tables...

Josh made this table using an old door for the top...it will be on sale at the Mabank Arts Festival in May...

We have a lot of things in the Victorian Lady Tea Room, too...post soon with pics of new spring decor...





This is a display table he made for the Vicotrian Lady Tea Room in Mabank...

 It is very long and at the front entrance..

 This little red table was all to pieces and missing some pieces.  It was laying outside a junk place in Malakoff, Josh bought it from Coach for a buck and put it back together...





















































Just had the best time at Winnie and Talula's in Athens...Ki is so nice, just like I knew she would be!  Love being around all the creativity!!!



blog post with pics coming soon



Weekending

Lezlee

Instruction from Venerable Thanissaro Bhikkhu

The damages, distortions, and dangers of dana talk. The below is one of the clearest and purest pieces I have read on the corruption of the practice of dana or generosity. I have been fortunate indeed to train under similarly pure Masters as those of Thanissaro Bhikkhu. My late Teacher Sermey Khensur Lobsang Tharchin  Rinpoche was impeccable in his refusal to ever use the dana talk described in the piece at the link below. Nor did he ever utter or write the words, or allow their use at his center: suggested donation, or other similar euphemisms. Nor did he favor those who were able to lavish him with gifts or donations. Nor did he ever hint at wanting this or that item made or bought for him or his center. 

If he asked for any item from his sometimes penniless followers  (who at times preferred emphasizing practice and study to getting the big time careers) he would first place more than enough money to cover the cost on the table saying, "If you don't let me pay I won't feel comfortable asking you to run errands for me." As a result, followers were utterly inspired by his generosity and consummate consideration for their personal situations, resources, and time, and because of that strove to develop those qualities in themselves. 

Once he was offered an entire estate and he told the donor, "No thanks, I have a good room." He could have accepted  it and turned it into a center, some may think, or given it to someone else. That he elected not to, however, is worth reflecting on.

Other Masters under whom I have been fortunate to train also maintain the correct dana ethic purely.

Because of their impeccable example and refusal to revert to any form of Dharma marketing, I am encouraged that pure forms of Dharma, that is, forms that accord with the Buddha's own teachings, which can be read about in the early suttas relating to dana, still exist in the world today.

Indeed what often accompanies dana talk is the frightening and off-putting attitude of entitlement that is exhibited by what Thanissaro Bhikkhu might describe as run-of-the mill organizations or followers, lay or ordained. 

Upon close scrutiny, I have found this attitude in myself to be closely linked with a number of other mental afflictions, such as ignorance of karmic cause and effect, pride, and lack of faith in karmic cause and effect, to name but three.

The truth is that there are no temporal or cultural restrictions on mental afflictions such as ignorance, pride, and acquisitiveness. These bear the same distinguishing features now as in the Buddha's time and culture. This fact is part of what makes the Buddha's teachings so  universal and relevant even now.

Unfortunate is the confusion among many when they feel the need to put some science fiction spin on entitlement behavior, often mislabeling it "skillful means," being as they are unable to distinguish the faults therein from what is clearly outlined in the Buddha's teachings. 

Those who are not educated in the Buddha's teachings,  who are not discerning with respect to what constitutes ethical conduct, and who are not curious to learn about or research the many available materials from the Pali suttas and elsewhere, often end up doing what Thanissaro Bhikkhu describes in the last line of the excerpt below.
 

You can read the Venerable's entire piece here: 
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/nostringsattached.html

Below is the beginning portion from the link above:

No Strings Attached

The Buddha's Culture of Generosity

by

Thanissaro Bhikkhu

© 2009–2010
 

“How can I ever repay you for your teaching?”

Good meditation teachers often hear this question from their students, and the best answer I know for it is one that my teacher, Ajaan Fuang, gave every time: 

“By being intent on practicing.”

Each time he gave this answer, I was struck by how noble and gracious it was. And it wasn't just a formality. He never tried to find opportunities to pressure his students for donations. Even when our monastery was poor, he never acted poor, never tried to take advantage of their gratitude and trust. This was a refreshing change from some of my previous experiences with run-of-the-mill village and city monks who were quick to drop hints about their need for donations from even stray or casual visitors.

Eventually I learned that Ajaan Fuang's behavior is common throughout the Forest Tradition. It's based on a passage in the Pali Canon where the Buddha on his deathbed states that the highest homage to him is not material homage, but the homage of practicing the Dhamma in accordance with the Dhamma. In other words, the best way to repay a teacher is to take the Dhamma to heart and to practice it in a way that fulfills his or her compassionate purpose in teaching it. I was proud to be part of a tradition where the inner wealth of this noble idea was actually lived — where, as Ajaan Fuang often put it, we weren't reduced to hirelings, and the act of teaching the Dhamma was purely a gift.

So I was saddened when, on my return to America, I had my first encounters with the dana talk: the talk on giving and generosity that often comes at the end of a retreat. The context of the talk — and often the content — makes clear that it's not a disinterested exercise. It's aimed at generating gifts for the teacher or the organization sponsoring the retreat, and it places the burden of responsibility on the retreatants to ensure that future retreats can occur. The language of the talk is often smooth and encouraging, but when contrasted with Ajaan Fuang's answer, I found the sheer fact of the talk ill-mannered and demeaning. If the organizers and teachers really trusted the retreatants' good-heartedness, they wouldn't be giving the talk at all. To make matters worse, the typical dana talk — along with its companion, the meditation-center fundraising letter — often cites the example of how monks and nuns are supported in Asia as justification for how dana is treated here in the West. But they're taking as their example the worst of the monks, and not the best.

Not Long Now...

Hope you have a great weekend.  I am one of those looking forward to the Royal Wedding which is only hours away.  I am about to head home to immerse myself in the coverage!  I can't wait to see her dress!  See you next week...

image via this is glamorous blog

More Roundtop Eye Candy...

me and cousin Sherri...

 me and The Mindy

More later gator...



                                                                       me and Susie

Remembering Round Top

Lezlee

Making Magazine Issue 8

The new issue of Making magazine went on sale today.  I'm very chuffed to have one of my papercut cross-section houses included in a great article by Clare Kelly.

Instruction from Geshe Nyugrumpa

From: Essential Advice of the Kadampa Masters
Translated from the Tibetan under the guidance of Geshe Wangyal

Bodhi Leaves No. B 116.

[I have edited slightly for clarity]

Geshe Nyugrumpa said, "You should see this life and body as a bubble of water, bad company as an enemy, the Spiritual Teacher as a wish-fulfilling jewel, the fettering passions as a poisonous snake, bad activities as strong poison, the aspects of desire as the embers of a fire, sweet words and fame as an echo, status and gain as an entangling trap, bad friends as a contagious disease, good friends as a beautiful and fortified palace, all sentient beings as your mother and father. You should feel that giving is the wish-fulfilling cow,  moral practice a precious jewelled ornament, patience, strong armour; effort, the wish fulfilling wisdom-horse; meditation, a great treasure, and the wisdom of hearing (including study), thinking, and meditation a bright lamp."

Exciting News!

Very exciting news!  Jennifer at The Make Lounge in Islington has asked me to teach some papercutting classes. Class dates will be announced in early May.

The classes will last about 3 hours or so and the aim is for people to leave with at least one small finished papercut - either of their own design or from one of my templates, if they're stuck for inspiration!

Please check out The Make Lounge website for details on all their courses.

New Things

We've had another influx of new things at Black & Spiro this week.  The new blue and white inlay chest of drawers which we have placed in our front window with the butterfly fabric is very beautiful.  We also have new pale pink cockatoo lamps which we've had custom made for our store, lots of new cushions in fabrics I bought when we were overseas earlier this year, a pair of antique armchairs and yet another delivery of our special blue and white ginger jars. 

It certainly has been a busy week getting all of our new things into the shop.  Here are a couple of photos I thought you might like to see.  The colourful, mismatched and at times very wild style we seem to be known for is very noticeable in these pictures.

I can't believe it's Friday tomorrow already and another long weekend.  I don't know about you but I'm finding it hard to fit everything I need to do into these short weeks!!

Big Sky Girl - Golden Ground (band name) - on forthcoming Golden album

"Golden" album cover art


http://cheirodejaula.bandcamp.com/album/golden

Thank you Rebecca Mattos and Golden Ground for turning 
Big Sky Girl lyrics into a song.

Postcards

I've had some of my papercuts made into postcards.  They're available in my Etsy and Folksy shops as a set of three.

I've chosen three of my favourites: House Cross-Section, Life is Good and Folk Art Houses. 

Instruction from Venerable Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Excerpt below from: 
Affirming the Truths of the Heart

The Buddhist Teachings on Samvega & Pasada

by

Thanissaro Bhikkhu

© 1997–2010

A life-affirming Buddhism that teaches us to find happiness by opening to the richness of our everyday lives.

That's what we want — or so we're told by the people who try to sell us a mainstreamlined Buddhism. But is it what we need? And is it Buddhism?

Think back for a moment on the story of the young Prince Siddhartha and his first encounters with aging, illness, death, and a wandering contemplative. It's one of the most accessible chapters in the Buddhist tradition, largely because of the direct, true-to-the-heart quality of the young prince's emotions. He saw aging, illness, and death as an absolute terror, and pinned all his hopes on the contemplative forest life as his only escape. 

As Asvaghosa, the great Buddhist poet, depicts the story, the young prince had no lack of friends and family members who tried to talk him out of those perceptions, and Asvaghosa was wise enough to show their life-affirming advice in a very appealing light. Still, the prince realized that if he were to give in to their advice, he would be betraying his heart. Only by remaining true to his honest emotions was he able to embark on the path that led away from the ordinary values of his society and toward an unsurpassed Awakening into the Deathless.

This is hardly a life-affirming story in the ordinary sense of the term, but it does affirm something more important than life: the truth of the heart when it aspires to a happiness absolutely pure. The power of this aspiration depends on two emotions, called in Pali samvega and pasada. Very few of us have heard of them, but they're the emotions most basic to the Buddhist tradition. Not only did they inspire the young prince in his quest for Awakening, but even after he became the Buddha he advised his followers to cultivate them on a daily basis. In fact, the way he handled these emotions is so distinctive that it may be one of the most important contributions his teachings have to offer to American culture today.

Tornado Alley

It's been a stormin'! Do you know where your flashlights are????

In the laundry room...

fox news tornado pics

Sleeping Tight!

Lezlee

Forbidden Desire

I remember the last time I saw him. If I close my eyes, I can still feel his touch. Feel him sliding inside of me. Consuming me. Taking all of me inside of him. Wrapping himself around me. Two beings becoming one. At first I tried to fight him, but he always knows exactly what to say. Exactly how to break me.What I hate the most is that he knows I am going to give in. We both know I am going to give in, but I so want to refuse him. To not allow him to enter inside of me, but he always gets his way. 

Always. 

The minute he leaves I vow that I will never allow him to return. I will never allow him to consumer me again. I will never allow him to take me, but then when I feel his touch upon my skin I just can't say no. He has his way with me and then when he is finished he simply tosses me aside.

until the next time.

I hate myself for allowing him to do this to me but his hold over me is too strong. Even though I hate what he does to me, a part of me misses him when he isn't there. There is an emptiness that only he can fill. His presence is comforting in the darkness. It's the only time I feel.

Not alone. 

I can sense when he is about to appear. My body betrays me and call to him. Calling him to come and take it.The way it is now. It knows he is about to return. About to consume me once again. I close my eyes preparing myself for the darkness and await for his first kiss. 

D.E.P.R.E.S.S.I.O.N.

Here Kitty Kitty Kitty

I know exactly how he feels!

Green Fuzzy Moth

Amazing. Shade. Of. Greeeeen. Found this beautiful one on my front porch.

Nothing else to say, because in this case pictures are louder then words.

XOXoxox

Folk Art Schoolhouse

Here's the finished artwork for the revised Schoolhouse papercut.

The main difference from the original papercut is that I've made the trees leafy.  
They looked a little on the sinister side in the first version.

Prints available in my Folksy and Etsy shops.
The original artwork is also available to purchase.

Merry F'ing Xmas

If my family were a tv show, then they would be a combination of the Bundy's and the Simpsons. These are conversations that actually took place during various holiday gatherings. I tried to be as invisible as possible during these gatherings. They were basically a government sanctioned excuse for getting drunk and then putting lights on anything within reach.

"Put her down. Put your sister down damnit. Stop looking at her. I said stop fucking looking at her. Why can't you two just be normal? Go outside and play in the street for a while. You're giving me a headache. Well, don't just stand there. Go I said."

"For crying out loud. The gawddamn dog just took off with half the turkey. Who let the damn dog in the house anyways? You? Well I hope you ate breakfast, that was your turkey he just ate."

"Stop picking your nose and wiping it on me. If I wanted boogers on me, then I would pick my own fucking nose."

"Where are Andy* and Marie*? Has anyone seen Andy and Marie? You know they aren't allowed to be left alone together. You remember what happened at Thanksgiving? Will someone go find Andy and Marie? (mutters under breath) before there is another "accident"?"

"Where's the turkey? I thought you were making the turkey. No, you were suppose to make it. No, we agreed I would make the Xmas ham and YOU would make the Thanksgiving turkey. That was last year. We switched this year, remember? Oh! Well. I got some chicken in the freezer I guess I better get it unthawed."

"What the hell is wrong with this pie?! Why does it taste like that?! You put SALT instead of SUGAR in it! No wonder it tastes like shit. I think you have had enough to drink today. I am cutting you off."

"I thought you were putting the gifts under the tree from "Santa". No, you always put them under the tree. Oh well, she's 5. It's time she learned the truth anyways.Honey, there is no santa. Merry Xmas."

"Why does Aunt Sarah call her grandbaby "izzy"? You don't know? No. It stands for "is he his or is he not?" Get it? Izzy (is he). Ohhhh!"

"Where's my Mountain Dew*? Did you take my Mountain Dew? You know I can't go huntin' if I don't have my jug of Mountain Dew! Now where did you put it?"

 "I'll give you a dollar if you go pull down your mama's sweatpants".


A few seconds later, a loud scream followed by " but Uncle Jay told me to!". "JAY! Did you tell him you would give him a dollar if he pulled down my pants?"

Looking shocked, "NO! NO! I would never do such a thing. Did he pull down your pants?Really? Must have seen it on the TV or something.You shouldn't let him watch so much TV. Rots their brains".


Happy Fuckin' Dysfunctional Holidays to you. Pass the Xanax, turkey's gonna be awhile.





*Andy and Marie -not their real names, but I actually have two cousins who are step brother and sister that ended up married to one another. Their parents married when he was 4 and she was 2 so they were raised as "brother and sister" when they found out they weren't "blood" brother and sister, they suddenly realized they were in love and spent the next 4 years trying to be together whenever they could. After she went off to college and returned, they got married and you thought your family was messed up. HA! You can't outdo our inbreeding. We been doin' it for generations!

*Mountain Dew a.k.a white lightning a.k.a homemade moonshine. By the time I was 4 I had learned NOT to ask for a drink of that "Mountain Dew" . When I was 2, they filled my bottle with it and I  got so DRUNK I could barely walk which isn't that unusual for a two year to be stumbling around and unable to stand. Once they realized that no one noticed. They would continue to do this for about 6 months until they got me so drunk I ended up with alcohol poisoning. After that they only gave me beer. No more hard liquor until I turned 6. Oh and they would be my grandfather and uncle. The Brady Bunch we were not.

 This was for a writing prompt for Studio 30 +. The prompt was holidays with the family.