Namibia Lomo

Some Lomo shots from Namibia and a friendly reminder to listen to RSG radio later today at 20:00 when I'll speak about my time in South Korea.

Where I Rip the Heads off Something

I haven't written much lately. I haven't read either. Well I have just not the Noonday Demons book or the Courage to Heal book. I have felt uncomfortable in my own skin which is pretty much an everyday thing but the last few days it's been worse than usual. For whatever reason these days come and go. There is no explanation for their arrival and I never know how long they will be. They just come. Play with my so called life and when they get bored, they leave. I am just a toy for them.

I have been extremely aggitated the last few days. Pissed off at the air for being air. For filling my lungs. For blowing my hair. For touching me. I just wanted to be alone, but everywhere I went someone was there even if it was only me. It pissed me off. Days like the last few days,  I hate my life, and feel as if I want a different one, but have no energy, want, or desire enough to actually change my life. Except that I don't really want a DIFFERENT life. It's just a fleeting moment where I suddenly decide "ugh fuck it and throw it all away". Then five minutes after  I go WTF did I do I want it back. Which totally confuses the hell out of anyone in a five mile radius of me.

During days like these, Jigger often asks "What do you want?!" . Therein lies the problem. I don't know what I want. I just want. Something. If Jigger didn't hold me so tightly and tie me in my spot, this would be the moment I run. Whenever I start to feel antsy, whenever I start to feel like I am the puppet and everyone is attaching a string to pull me in whichever direction they choose, that is when I cut the strings and run. 

I know part of this is that my life is not the life I want. It is not the life that I envisioned myself having, but it is the life I have. It isn't that horrible. I have a home which a lot of people don't. I eat everyday when many around me are hungry. I have a husband who loves me and does his best to navigate the insanity that is my world. I don't have a whole lot to complain about, but never the less, this is not the life I dreamed of having. It isn't me. Not that I know what "me" is, but I know what "me" isn't. I feel trapped when all I want is to be FREE. I have no idea what it is I want to be FREE from. All I know is I feel like a bird with a broken wing staring at the night's sky, dreaming of the day when I am able to soar. 

Black & Spiro Today

I quickly snapped this photo as I was leaving the shop tonight of our front desk.  Today we replaced the black and white ikat desk skirt, which we've had on the desk since our re-opening last year, with a new gathered navy and white ticking skirt.  This photo gives a very small indication of our new look for the entire shop which will hopefully be in place within the next 3 weeks.  There is going to be lots of red {I am very into red}, navy, pale blue, green, yellow and a softer/warmer pink than the one I am normally known for. 

I wish that all of our lovely new things would arrive sooner as the shop is a little bit empty due to our recent annual sale.  However, as I keep telling myself - beautiful things take time to come to fruition and as my mother always says - good things come to those who wait!!

Photoman, Stuntman, Or Undercover Sniper/SWAT Guy?

Wow!  This has been such a busy and fun week, with more fun and busy-ness to come!



My brother Bryan came up to shoot a wedding with my daughter, and they did a FABULOUS job!  What a team!  We had intended on getting our family done as well, but I was so whooped!  It just never really came together and happened.  So!  Before the Memorial Day picnic today, we did at least get to have a fun photo shoot for Dan and me!  My brother was very willing-it was this old girl that ran out of steam.  When today rolled around, I barely saw my kiddos, so it was just Dan and me.  But it was a LOT of fun!

Bryan had us do several poses, and let me tell you, that man has MORE energy than I've had in YEARS!!!  He posed us on the ground, walking thru the yard, around a tree, on a rock, etc. 

Oops!  Dan got a little confused on the pose with the next shot.....

Bryan said he won't be putting his name on this one....



So anyway!  Since Bryan lives over 100 miles away, I think he may be keeping secrets from me! 



You should have seen how he balanced himself up on a piece of yardquipment (one of those roll bars that flattens the yard)---not to mention how he grabbed it and moved it. 



The leaps and the rolls on the ground, as if he was dodging bullets and enemies got me to thinking....

Is he REALLY some kind of stuntman or sniper?  I mean really, how can my OLDER brother MOVE so much more agile-y than me, so quickly, and use his trigger finger the whole time too? 

He's gotta be keeping some important infomation from me...

Maybe that was him I saw on the White House roof last year when I was in D.C....

He'll probably never confess.

(with my daughter Amber)

Streets

Featured Issues

Roots

It's Fire Time...

I think we have lit our fire every night over the past few weeks.  We are actually a little bit obsessed with lighting the fireplaces at our house.  Even on nights when it hasn't been very cold, we have lit the fire.  Brad chops the wood and Harry collects the smaller bits and Max and I watch.  It is a big family event every single night!!

We just received some beautiful paper mache pots into the shop last week as pictured below and I think I might need to take one or two home as they would be perfect to hold the pine cones and sticks.  And then when Winter is over, I think they would look wonderful with our Christmas tree placed in one...I love things which have varied uses!!!

Creating Things: Restoration

 A Framed Button Bouquet

God's Word...

Blues..



 Old Bottles



 and



Vintage buttons...



Tattered bits



and pieces...

 5 Sisters

Lezlee



PS...I found my camera, my grand baby hid, lol...







Joining the Frame Party

 and wow us on Wednesdays...









Restored

Lezlee

Radio!

I have a radio interview this coming Wednesday night on RSG's Befonk with Christine Wessels where I am going to speak about my time abroad in South Korea and a few more things. Tune in to RSG at 20:00 if you're interested. The interview will be in Afrikaans.

It was Messi Baby

So yea Barcelona won the Champions League. 3-1. The only thing better than Barcelona beating Man U is that Messi scored a goal and Rooney got his ass handed to him on a platter. I can't stand Rooney in case it wasn't obvious. Or Man U for that matter. 

Lionel Messi

It almost makes up for him not scoring during the World Cup. Almost.

Salt not Pepper

I am not a big movie person. I honestly could not name you 5 movies that have been made in the last 5 years. Well other than the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy because that is the only thing I have watched. Until recently that is when I was bored  and decided to see what new movies were out. That is how I stumbled upon Salt starring Angeline Jolie. If you haven't seen it, then you might want to watch it before reading this post because I am so going to run the ending for you otherwise. 

Now I am not a conspiracy theorist by nature, but seriously IF Russia doesn't already have some secret town training children to look/talk/walk/act like Americans, then umm don't you think they are going to NOW. I mean because that is a pretty genius fucking idea. Don't we have enough problems without giving ideas to people so they can blow us up more easily? I can see it now. Boris is bored one weekend, turns on Russian HBO, watches Salt, and then 50 years from now, your grandkids are speaking Russian and you have no fucking clue what they are talking about. Although the Vodka is now much better still it doesn't mean we should GIVE them any freakin' ideas. 

Seriously Hollywood, stop it! Because IF the aliens don't know about ass probes, I sure as hell don't want them finding out just so Stephen Spielberg can earn another billion dollars or so Angeline and Brad can adopt another kid. I like my ass way too much for that. 

5QF!

Hello out there!



Just a quick stop by to my blog to do a quick 5QF!  Busy, busy, busy this week!  A wedding on Saturday(dear friends of ours are getting married), my brother is coming in from out of state to shoot the wedding with my daughter (woo hoo!) and is staying for a few days, my daughter is learning to fly (getting a beautiful place of her own), and we'll be finishing up school in the next couple of weeks!

But onto the 5QF!



1. Do you apologize to your kids?  I sure do!  Parents aren't perfect, and I don't think it's a good example to  act as if we are.  I hope that if I take responsibility of my actions when I am wrong, my children will learn to do the same.  If I am wrong or if I am harsh for no good reason, I apologize to my children.  I do not, however, apologize if I have to discipline them and they just don't like it.  I do not ground them and then apologize as if I have done something wrong.

2. What color are your nails right now?  My nail color right now is "au naturale".  I like this color, and have been wearing it for over 20 years!!!  =)

3. When you were growing up, how difficult was it for you to stay home from school sick? (As in, did you have to vomit or just say "I don't feel good".)  I think my mother had balance with the whole sick thing, so it probably just depended on how sick I was.  I am one of those fortunate (or unfortunate when I just want to get it over with!) people that has only vomited about 10 times in my entire life.  So!  It's a good thing I didn't have to prove it with actually puking!  (Gross-I know-excuse me!)

4. When is the last time you bought a new comforter for your bed?  I think about a year and a half ago.  It's satiny brown.  =)

5. Favorite website(s)?  I never thought I'd say this, but I only hang out in about two places:  Facebook, and playing the game Literati.  I didn't like Facebook at first, but like it quite a bit now.  I don't air my dirty laundry on it-don't complain about how bad my life is (which would be a lie anyway!), and don't play Farmville, Mafia Wars, Cityville or that type of game.  Occasionally I will play a couple of their word games.  I'm all into word games! This may come as a shock to you, but I'm actually a bit of a recluse!  I love my friends dearly, and I'm thankful that they understand how I am with my reclusive-ness.  That being said, as much as I like to be by myself, I also care much about my friends, and like to read their updates on Facebook.  I actually got in touch with a cousin I've only seen once in the past 17 plus years thru Facebook!  We are going to lunch, maybe next week!  He lives about two hours south of me, so I'm going to drive south, he's going to drive north, and we're going to meet for lunch!  =)  I usually tend to come out of my reclusive life when I have friends that are in need.  Then I try to be helpful.  But I just love being home.  Facebook is my cheat way of visiting.

And of course, I think my website, http://www.achocolatebouquet.com/ is pretty good too!  At least, I'd like to think it is-I've spent many, many, many hours building it!

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, and let's visit again!  =)

Fresh as a daisy

You might notice I have a new look.  I think it was well overdue.  This little vignette was one I put together at home last Summer.  I was inspired by it's fresh and happy vibe this morning and I thought what a perfect picture to post for the start of a new era here at ABT....

image - elouise van riet-gray

Why Facebook is Like Crack

People are nice in the blogsphere. Have you all noticed this? The majority of the people here seem to follow the rule of "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all". It's a strange world to me. Don't get me wrong there are asshats and fucktards in the blogsphere, but they seem to not be as loud as those in real life. 

I have found that most people in blogsphere are understanding and non judgemental. They take the time to see the person beneath the flaws. Why don't people do that in real life? I am not saying that playing Farmville while your baby is screaming its head is ok, but I am saying that I understand why people get sucked into this online world. 

In real life, most people don't understand me. I am considered rude, bitchy, inconsiderate, bossy, insert other bad word here and that is what people think of me. However, in blogsphere I am flawed but accepted. Understood but not judged. If those are my choices, then why on earth would I choose to live in a world that does nothing but belittle and demean my every action and word? Especially when there is a place I can go that I am accepted. A place where I am not evil. A place where I am "loved". 

I understand why this online world is so intoxicating. I understand how it wraps itself around you and makes you feel loved and wanted and just "good". In the end, isn't that really all anyone wants? Just to feel loved and to feel "good" about who they are. 

I know that is what happened to me at the beginning of my psychosis. In my real life I was villafied. Hated. Unwanted but online. I was important. Loved. Needed. I had "friends" who listened. Who were there at the click of a mouse. I got lost in that. My whole entire life I had been searching for a place where I was accepted and loved and I found it at the end of a mouse click. I didn't want to let it go. I sacrificed the real world for the imaginary one that was inside my computer. I understand why people get addicted. I understand why people get lost. 

It's a lot easier to do than most people realize. 

Wine Shop commission - sketches and drawing

I've been commissioned to design a logo for chap who's opening a new wine shop.  The photos show the process that I've gone through so far.  Initially he thought he wanted something circular, but after seeing my first very rough sketches he decided that something less 'organised' would be better.  So although not hugely different, we've gone for a square design instead with a much more organic and random feel to it.

I'm about a third of the way through the final drawing (on the reverse of the black paper) and already I'm itching to get started on the cutting!  But I shall control my urges, be good and finish the entire drawing first - not something that I usually manage to do - but should!!!