Saturday, August 20, 2011

Reflections on Gradual vs. Sudden Enlightenment

I find it funny and revealing that many are offended at the idea of striving for perfection.  In many spiritual circles it's not PC. Why shouldn’t it be PC? Because we think our all-inclusive tolerance and self-proclaimed identification with All That Is or some Deity, or divine state issues from a sustainable perspective. The flip side of that coin is the tendency to judge what we do not understand. 

Striving for perfection seems the only social activism. 

All-inclusive tolerance, free from judgment, but not from discriminative awareness, is a result of striving for perfection, and when it’s not we will eventually hit a wall of internal contradiction: where the BS can be smelled from afar. 

If I am trying to reach a destination and am told by the well-charted map or GPS or expert experience of another to go east and instead ignore those and go west and lose my way, maybe some time there will be a chance that I arrive at my destination, but I could have arrived more easily had I been more conscious, and had I lacked the clumsy notion that I needed to reinvent the wheel.  Importantly, however, that's not to say there's no room for better and more efficient wheels: in any case I have to be completely honest with myself, since maybe the map does not show certain routes, nor the GPS certain roadblocks. 

Take a person who flies off the handle easily, with physical, verbal, and mental aggression, making himself and others miserable. We could blithely offer that he and his hissy fits are part of All That Is, the Guru, the Mystery, the Deity, etc. But the fact remains that most of us would rather not be yelled at or hit or denied rights and would prefer to be with people who have a grip on their behavior. 

The angry person who wants to change does not necessarily wake up one day free of the habit of flying off the handle, though the possibility for that is not precluded either. Gradual and sudden enlightenment are mutually supportive. You don’t choose one or the other. That’s like choosing to breathe this air but not that air over there. Focusing on the gradual approach makes the sudden a possibility. If the sudden happens without having trained in the gradual and evidenced in behavior, be careful: it's just a step on a journey that has not ended. And as long has our behavior remains untransformed over time, it may be that our approach needs to be examined.

The person with a tendency toward temper tantrums, having become alienated from peace and joy and decidedly not liking that experience, starts a process, and that process might include a major shift to another state of consciousness, which might also entail conscious striving: this hour, I will not let anger control my body or speech. Once he does that, he slowly comes to realize that not getting angry seems to have something to do with others sticking around, with him and others experiencing great well-being. That is what striving for perfection entails.

If it’s not PC to be challenged at more than one level of our being, to think and consider our situations deeply rather than darting straight to the facile abstraction of the Mystery, or of I Am That,  or any number of other platitudes including Karma (about which we know almost nothing) or of  high and pure self-identification, why would we have evolved brains that can be distinguished by their capacity for inquiry? 

Without this process of inquiry, we may still be using clubs and stones as our main household appliances. This is one of the reasons there is such heavy emphasis on the Lamrim, or graduated Stages of the Path in Tibetan Buddhism before safely and properly embarking on the Vajrayana. But it's too bad the "lesser vehicle" practices, such as the four foundations of mindfulness, whose lineages were not fully propagated in the west, have not been particularly encouraged by many teachers as legitimate and possibly vital precursors to making headway with the practices of the Lamrim, to say nothing of the Vajrayana.

In reading the Pali suttas, we see the commitment the Buddha had to continuous inquiry. He resisted the impulse to systematize and prescribe, which is why many people don't take certain gradual approaches seriously: such approaches have become highly systematized and prescriptive. Prescriptions seem often to be less compelling than inspiring stories, just as poetry is sometimes more compelling and internally transforming than sastric analysis, fine reasoning, and memorized lists. All may be needed at particular stages of development, but relying on any one  approach exclusively will reveal its limitations for an individual over time.
If by gradual approach or Stages of the Path we are encouraged to focus on a single part of a vast and detailed outline and its commentaries, such as: today I may die, we might have enough room to make deep contact with that truth within our lived experience. Of course,  extensive and detailed teachings are important seeds,  and we are unendingly grateful for precious teachings, but anyone will tell you that if you plant your seeds in someone's winter, so to speak, they are as good as stones scattered on cement.

How can I be transformed by airy directives that are often entirely divorced from my moment to moment experience, and which have less power than even their overuse to effect changes in my unexamined habitual behaviors, which I now coat with a veneer of divine self-identification? The danger is clear. Mark how conceptual understandings rarely alter our behavior as such. Why is that? I maintain, where mindfulness remains undeveloped so will the capacity for actual transformation through more esoteric practices, that can prop up and further our as yet undismantled self-importance.

We can choose to complacently revel in our new found status of I Am That  (Deity,  etc) which, authentic though it may feel in that charged and blissful moment outside the context of our day to day lives, but rest assured if we don't have the foundation of mindfulness anything might set us off and turn our mantrically charged energy into a mine field for ourselves and others.

Friday, August 19, 2011

That Events Will Turn Out For The Best


The Perfect Spot


Could this be the most perfect spot to sit and enjoy a warm Spring Saturday morning?  So beautiful!! 

image via - cote de texas

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Bonifacio - Built On The Edge

Some brave architecture on the cliffs of Bonifacio.
If you plan on taking some photo's here then I'd recommend to not go in the late afternoon as you take pictures directly into the sun (as seen here). Never the less, this remains a great sight.
Recently returned from two weeks in the South of France and Spain, so keep checking the blog for updates.

Playful Verbiage




The bells rang. 
A ray of sound piercing the silence.
A sigh escaped the forgotten one. 
Frightened and  frail she waits.
Patiently.



Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Simply Divine


I have a thing for white houses.  Our first house was white our second house was white, our beach cottage is white and our current house, which will be the house we stay in forever, will also eventually be white.  I don't ever stray to another colour and even when clients ask me what colour they should paint their house I always reply white.  The fact is that white houses never date.  I especially love white houses when they are surrounded by lots of gardens or big green luscious trees and lots of green neatly trimmed grass.  There is nothing prettier in my opinion.  I was completely awestruck when I spotted this beautiful old white house over at Coco + Kelley blog earlier this week.  How simply divine!!


The Cushion Thing



One of the most important elements in the rooms I put together for people is the array of beautiful, unique cushions I compile and have custom made for their sofas, armchairs, beds etc.  Usually these cushions are made in the most exquisite fabrics which are either imported, hand embroidered or made out of vintage materials or trimmed with fabulous braid or rouche.

The downside of these beautiful cushions is that they tend to be quite expensive.  Sometimes I prepare my clients for the cushion price prior to sending them their quote but sometimes I forget and there has certainly been times when I get the call in which I am asked - 'What's with the cushions?  Did you make a typing error when you wrote the price...?'

During the week we had a lovely young woman into the shop and I was thrilled to hear that she was back to purchase some of our beautiful cushions to add to her collection.  Apparently a few years ago we had made a set of our cushions for her which she absolutely adores.  She was telling one of the girls in the shop that most of her friends have been through 3-4 rounds of inexpensive, ready-made cushions since she purchased her set from us and yet her unique collection still sits proudly on her sofa loved and cherished. 

So, even if you can't afford to purchase them all up-front I suggest starting with a couple and then adding to them over time.  That way you will end up with the most gorgeous, unique collection of cushions which you will love and adore for many years to come...

Or you could be like one of my clients who comes into the shop every week and pretty much takes home a cushion a week!!  With Spring almost on our doorstep it is the perfect time to add some beautiful cushions to your sofa.  They will be like a breath of fresh air!!

xx
Anna

image - polly wreford

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Cast Away



Alone
Tossed aside amidst the darkened ruins
Silence fills the air
Air that hangs heavy choking the breath
Suffocating the lungs
Noise and chaos surround
Yet alone she remains
Unseen, unnoticed, unheard
A silent voice screaming
Meaningless words that no one hears

Why does she torture herself this way
Why not flee from the silence
Fast and far
Run
Yet amidst the silent darkness she remains

From the corner I watch her
Sitting, silently
Longing to break free of the chains tied tightly to her
Binding her in place
Even though she has the power to break them
She remains
Silently bound

Ignored, alone unheard
I watch and wait
Her every move enchants me
She is strong but appears weak
She allows herself to be ravaged
The others taunt her "weakness"
They do not see her strength
They do not see she could break them
It is only her will that stops her
Not their hold

I dare not breathe
For fear of breaking the silence
Slowly I make my way towards her

Suddenly she sees me
and I freeze
Uncertainty and doubt flow through me

She pretends to not see me
Encouraging me to come
Beckoning me like the siren that she is
A willing slave I continue towards her
Like a mother welcoming a lost child
She envelops me
Taking me inside of her
She allows me to roam freely

Not wanting to miss the opportunity
I eagerly search from within
The silence moving to accomodate my presence
Incorporating me into it
A living entity

Time ceased to exist inside of her
Patiently she allowed me to roam within
Smiling at my amusement
I searched every crevice
Caressing its smoothness
Until it consumed me
and I ceased to exist
and there was only she

A Basket of Fresh Garden Flowers




Early this morning I headed out into our garden which is currently in full bloom.  I spent about 20 minutes in pure heaven collecting this basket of fresh flowers for Black & Spiro.  It has been so great having lots of vases of fresh garden flowers in the shop over these past few weeks.  As you have probably guessed I am a little bit obsessed with fresh flowers.  Maybe if I decide to give up decorating I could just grow and sell pretty bunches of fresh garden flowers...I'd really love that. 
xx
Anna

Monday, August 15, 2011

No Words Needed



in the face of 








or having 




after experiencing



and being able to see the 



hidden amongst



or simply feeling


because underneath 


Sunday, August 14, 2011

Pretty Chair




This pretty vintage armchair just came back from the upholsterer last week.  I particularly love the box pleated trim we added to the base of the chair.  We decided to keep the legs in their vintage state so as to show the age of the chair.  With Spring just around the corner this little floral chair is such a fresh addition to the shop...

xx
Anna

I Don't Know Who I Am



I came across an interesting little article while doing some reading on bipolar. You can read the full article HERE. The jist of it was that people who have what is known as "early onset bipolar disorder" tend to have no sense of self or identity. They use a lot of big words and medical mumbo jumbo, but from what I understood of it I can totally see this in myself. I was diagnosed with "manic depression" at the age of 13 and put on antidepressants/anti-psychotics meds.

One thing that I do that pisses people off is copy them. I take on mannerisms of the person in front of me. Maybe they pronounce words in a particular way or have some unique hand movement when they talk. Without even realizing it, I just start doing it too. I can do it as well as the person. Even mimicking accents, I am from the south and use to have a very pronounced southern accent. If you met me today, you would never be able to figure out where I am from based upon my speech. People think I am making fun of them, but in reality I think I subconsciously just pick up traits I see in others. I often don't know what is acceptable. What is me. What is bipolar. What is normal. I have no idea about acceptable social boundaries. When are people just being "polite" vs. being "honest". I have no idea what reaction is expected of me when I am around people so when I see someone doing something and people aren't flinging poo at them I just do that. At least this is the explanation I have come up with.

For a very long time I honestly didn't even realize I was "crazy". I accepted my behavior as "normal". Even though my life was in constant chaos and turmoil I blamed others. The father who abused me. The mother who abandoned me. The ex who broke me. I blamed everyone around me. I took no responsibility for my life or my actions. Since I have started to realize that I do have a problem. A fixable problem. Maybe it can't be taken away totally but it isn't just beyond my control. I can change me. I can be a better me. Since making these realizations, I have been slowly figuring out what is me and what isn't. Slowly taking on my own traits. I still feel the pull to be "like others". To copy them. To just do what they are doing, but now I try to pull back whenever I feel this. To take a moment and figure out exactly what it is I want. What I actually feel instead of just copying what I see from the person in front of me. 

The hardest part of finding me is realizing the life I have now is not necessarily the life I want but the one I am sort of "stuck with". I love my husband, but I feel suffocated at times. I want to do so much and if I just walked away from him, I could do every single thing I wanted except I don't really want to walk away. There are parts of my life with him that I want, but there are parts I can't stand. I feel torn between running and remaining. Finding the balance of a life that was created inside of chaos is extremely difficult. Maybe once I figure out who I am and what it is I want then the answers will become clearer, but for now I am still searching. Still figuring out what is me and what is the reflection of another.


Alfoil Packages


We have this thing in our family of packaging up food parcels in silver alfoil after big family events for everyone to take home.  My grandmother's soirees always end with a divvy up of the amazing left overs which she has often spent days preparing.  This similarly happens at my mother's house too.  But it really hasn't been a thing which happens at my house as I don't love to cook.  It's just not my thing.  I mean I can cook but I really don't get the enjoyment out of it like my mother and my grandmothers do. 

I think I am starting to become known in our family for a different type of silver alfoil package....

Whenever anyone has visited our house lately they have left with a big bundle of fresh flowers from our garden which are wrapped at the base with wet tissues and silver alfoil for the trip home.  Here's the little bundle of fresh lavender, calendulars, basil, bougainvillea etc. I collected out of our garden today for a special family member.  I hope she gets lots of enjoyment out of them this week.

I am yet to tell the family that our huge trellis of sweet peas will be in flower next week...I'm sure they'll all be dropping in for a visit once they know this!!

xx
Anna

Saturday, August 13, 2011

This Totally Unacceptable Behavior Stops Now



What the hell are you people doing?!! It is NOT ok that all of my fave bloggers have suddenly gone on blogvacay all at the same fucking time. It's ok if one of you goes. I might could even accept two of you going at the same time but not ALL of you disappearing on me all at the same fucking time.

This is so not acceptable. I am so gonna go all Misery Kathy Bates on you people if you don't start writing again. Because I seriously NEED you guys to fill out my day. I don't know what to do with myself when you all leave me like this. I don't watch TV it bores me. So do movies except for 300 and Gladiator. But other than that I couldn't care who or what was on. 

So let's go. Someone better post soon before I go all postal on your asses. I know people and for $100 and a six pack your ass could be mine.Think about it. Write people write. NOW!!! 

You all know who you are. I got my eyeballs on you. Oh and while you're at it, bring some of these too. I need some munchies while I am waiting for you all to start writing.




Friday, August 12, 2011

Jaume Plensa at YSP

Photos of sculptures by Jaume Plensa, the renowned Spanish artist, from his 2011 exhibition at Yorkshire Sculpture Park.

 Exhibition poster showing the artist himself
 Spiegel [Mirror] (2010)

 Nuria & Irma (2010)

 Conversation piece (Spiegel again)

One of seven figures from The Heart of Trees (2007)

 In the Midst of Dreams (2009)

Perspective - 27 Palms (2007)

I am posting the photos I like best from the day out at YSP, on my other blog!

Maintaining Control At All Costs



Be careful how quickly you give away your fire. ~Robert Bly
Consider yourself an architect for every aspect of your life — your writing, your exercise regimen, your finance management.
How well do you pace yourself with your story’s plots, your workouts, or your financial spending? How much control do you retain in everything that you do? What has happened when you have “given away your fire” too soon? What can you change in your life, right now, if you took greater control?  Smash 365




Allowing others to have "control" is a major trigger for me. Even in little mundane everyday things that really don't matter. Even in things I have no clue what I am doing. I must maintain control. I must do it. I cannot allow someone else to do or have control. This is a major problem in my life and my marriage. It is the source of the majority of our arguments. It is the source of the majority of the manic episodes in my life. Whenever I feel I am not in control, I panic. I imagine the worst case scenario and convince myself that is exactly what will happen unless I have control over the situation. Even though I may have no clue what the hell I am doing somehow just by doing it myself or controlling how it is done makes me feel calm. It makes my world be ok. It makes everything be ok. 

The minute I no longer have control the world becomes chaotic. I feel like it is spinning out of control. I feel like I am falling into the abyss never to return. It creates an extreme sense of panic and anxiety in me. No matter how much I try to let go I am unable to. 

I don't enjoy being this way. I don't enjoy being unable to allow others to do for me. I don't enjoy the panic that floods through me at the thought of not being in control. I WANT to allow others to do, but I simply cannot. I try and try to allow them to take control, but the minute I sense that the situation is going slightly askew even when it really isn't, I panic. I take back control. This causes people to be angry with me. Jigger gets so pissed at me sometimes that he literally REFUSES to do anything if I am present. 

The other day we argued because I could NOT allow him to fix my computer. Even though he is the one who KNOWS how to do it much better than me. Even though it only took him an hour to get it sorted after I begged and cried for two days for him to do it because I could NOT figure out certain parts of it. I had to go take a shower while he fixed it because I literally could NOT sit in the room with him. I knew I would start. I knew we would fight again and he would refuse again and I would be without a computer for another two days. So the only solution I had was to physically remove myself from the room. By the time I returned he was almost finished. 

Seeing that it was almost complete allowed me to remain calm for the remaining 20 mins while he worked on it and sorted it out. For now the only solution I have is to remove myself when someone is doing something. When I have no control. 

But I am working on this. It is something I plan to conquer. Just like the other demons that swirl and twirl and dance inside my head. Some day I shall vanquish them all but for now I dance and twirl like a good little puppet as they pull my strings and demand attention. 





How to make a papercutting template

As some of you probably know already, I've recently started teaching papercutting workshops.  I like to encourage people to design and cut their own papercuts, but sometimes people like to start by cutting one of my templates.  The question that seems to pop up most often is how do I get my design on to a small piece of origami paper?

I thought I would share my method with you.  It's not very sophisticated and a little laborious, but it works for me and as yet I haven't discovered a better way.

So here goes:

Step 1
Scan your black and white image and save it in photoshop.  Then, using the image settings, change the colour of your scanned image to a very light grey and save it.  Make sure the size of the image is the same size or smaller than the piece of origami paper that you want to use (eg 15cm x 15cm).

Step 2
Print the light grey template image on regular A4 printer paper. It doesn't need to be a high res image - although you'll get a crisper looking template if it is.

Step 3
Take your piece of origami paper and lay it colour side down exactly over your printed image.  Oh yes - make sure the origami paper that you use is coloured on one side and white on the other! Tape it in place (top and bottom, or in the corners) with very small pieces of masking tape.  Make the sure the masking tape barely touches the origami paper - you want it to just about hold it in place.  Too much tape on the origami paper will mean that you print on the tape and not on the paper!

Step 4
Place your paper back into your printer and print the same grey template again.  NB: Make sure you know whether your printer prints the front or back of your paper so you know which way to put in the paper with the origami piece taped to it.  I have to put mine in face down in my paper tray with the top of my image towards the rear of the tray.  When your paper emerges from your printer, the image should now be on the origami paper.  You can remove the masking tape and there you go!

Hope it works for you!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Safety Measures and Precautions


The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise. ~Tacitus
Determine your desires for safety. What is holding you back from what you really want to do? What makes you think twice about pursuing things on your “bucket,” “to-do,” or “wish” list?
Why do you even have a list at all?
Write about discarding those desires for safety. What is possible for you, right now, if you stopped holding back? Smash 365


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To be safe is one of my greatest desires. Safe from the pain of the world. Safe from the daggers it throws, piercing through me. I remember telling Jigger when we first met that I just wanted to feel "safe". However I very rarely ever do anything that is "safe".

I have flown to the other side of the globe to a country where I knew no one. Didn't speak the language. Didn't have a job or place to live with only $500 in my pocket and no clue what I would do if things didn't work out. I tend to find safety in chaos. In pushing to the edge and then jumping beyond. There is a twisted comfort in the unknown. If I hadn't worked things out, then I would probably be dead so maybe that is my safety net. Pushing so far that if it doesn't work then I won't be around to know.

I wonder where I would be if I had played it safe. Stuck in a hicktown never knowing there is vast expanse of land beyond my little bubble. I have experienced so much and learned so many things I would have never done if I had been "safe". Yet I crave "safe".  Then when I get it I feel bored and push it away. Prefering the uncertainty of unknowing over the mundane comfort of every day living.

I have had moments where I have pushed too far though. Where I have almost broken myself. Yet I somehow manage to pull myself back in  before I completely fall over the edge.. At the moment, the only thing holding me back from doing what I really want to do and the only thing in my entire life that has ever held me back is finances. I dream big. I don't worry about the consequences. If I had the money, then there is no telling what I would have done by now. I always wondered why I never can manage to get ahead financially now I think maybe that is a good thing. Because it is the only thing that keeps me from completely jumping off the cliff.

So I guess for me being "safe" is being different. Pushing against the stream. Not being another faceless entity. Although sometimes I think boring would be good, and then the moment passes and I start  trudging ahead again. The world be damned. It's my way or the highway.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Butcher's Block



I love this image I found over at Nibs blog of John Derian's old butcher's block in his house in Provincetown, Massachusetts.  We have been very lucky this year to come across 2 of these wonderful old butcher's blocks.  One came from an old butchery in Toowoomba.  Each one sold within the first few days of them being in the shop which obviously shows how rare these wonderful pieces are.  I wish I could find another one for our kitchen at home.  I also love the idea of using them as a side table placed between 2 sofas with a big gorgeous lamp placed on top.

image John Derian's home by eric boman for american vogue living

Folks Crazier Than Me



So the other day I was feeling all whispery and shit and sent some stuff to Indie Ink and what do you know they published it. So if you didn't read it before go read it again before they realize what a crazy ass idea it was and come back to their senses.



* stupid blogger was scheduled to post this yesterday and didn't although I don't know why I am surprised it's not as if blogger does anything that I actually want it to anyways.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

More Photos


I thought I would share a few more photos of our back bedroom display at Black & Spiro.  I love, love, love the embroidered cushion we just added to the bed today which arrived this morning along with a few more.  They are all one-off cushions. 



And here's a photo of the curtains in the room which we made in a blue and white lattice design fabric.

Hope everyone is having a fabulous day!!

xx
Anna



Monday, August 8, 2011

Random Snippets


I arrived home last night to this arrangement of flowers from our garden on our fireplace mantel.  A little fairy had been to visit.  Gosh they were a lovely surprise.  As I've said many times before, there's nothing like flowers to bring a smile to my face...



I thought you might like to see some photos of our new bedroom display at Black & Spiro which we have just finished decorating.  It's so nice having our back rooms looking beautiful again.



We've also had an influx this week of some beautiful new cushions and a few vintage treasures which is always very exciting but they don't seem to last long!!



This vintage blue and white lamp is one of my favourite pieces at Black & Spiro at the moment.  I found it covered in dirt at an auction a few months ago.  You couldn't even see that it was blue and white.  We wiped it back to reveal this beautiful vintage lamp base...divine!

Never More



Things are never simple. Or easy.  I guess that's what makes them worthwhile but honestly at the moment I would settle for dull if it came wrapped in simple. At times my brain spins so fast the world seems to unravel in  front of me. I reach out and try to catch it but it just slips through my fingers. So fast. So elusive. Almost there but not quite. Today I am feeling very hurt and  disappointed and tired. Mostly just tired though..Tired of the bullshit..Tired of the childishness.

Maybe fed up is a better word.Yes. Fed up.

I've had my share and I am done. I don't want anymore thank you. Can I please be excused?

I am starting to lose my will to fight. And that scares me. I don't want to be stuck in content and settlement. That this is all there is. All there ever will be. Nothing more. Just what is. I try  to imagine a world of tomorrows but instead all I can find are nevermore's in a land of forgottenness I no longer can roam. I am stumbling.I don't want to fall again.

I am more than the names you call me. I won't allow another's words to define me ever again. Never again will I see myself through the looking glass. Never more. Never again.

I am more.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Different Parts of Me



A part of me wants to RUN AWAY...
to hide from all that is and all that will be
to forget that any and all things exist
to just disappear

A part of me wants to REMAIN...
safe in the comfort of now
sure in the uncertainty of tomorrow
lost in the space that is between

A part of me HIDES...
whenever you exhale
when the world becomes dark
when the light ceases to radiate

A part of me DIES..
with each unfulfilled breath
with each moment of could be that isn't and never will be
with each moon passing

A part of me is SILENT...
whispering only to itself
songs of nothingness, emptiness
longings and dreams unexperienced untouched

A part of me SCREAMS...
to unhearing ears
unbelieving words strung together
ceaselessly in unison they deny

A part of me wants to curl inside of you..
to become you....
to be lost in the expanse that is you....
far from the world..
far from the nothing that is and never was and never will be...
far from preying eyes, ravaging tongues, searching hands...
deep within

Encompassed.

Tantrums, Bodily Fluids, and a Saint



You may or may not have noticed my absence from the blogsphere. I would love to say that I had been carted away to a desert island and had been sitting on a beach looking at the ocean while sipping a drink from a fruit with an umbrella. Unfortunately the only part about that which is right is the desert part. I have been spewing bodily fluids from every orifice in the human body for the last 7 days and a few that I didn't even KNOW I had. It's been rough. And hot which is what caused the said spewage. I hate hot.

When I am sick, I become like that little kid lying on the Wal-Mart floor kicking and screaming because they can't have candy, toys, everything within their site and every other parent is silently thanking god that is NOT their shrieking harpee lying on the floor. You know the one. That is what I become. I can do pain. Something breaks. Duct tape and super glue I am there. Something falls off. Needle and thread I am there. But vomiting makes me become this whiny sniveling I want it NOW brat and Jigger deserves SAINTHOOD people.

Seriously, not only does he put up with my insanity, but these last seven days he has cleaned me when I was practicing for the world championships in projectile vomiting. He has held my hair as I continued to practice. He has gone to the store for juice and upon returning immediately had to go back to said store because he got Red Grape Juice instead of Apple Juice even though I didn't tell him I WANTED apple I just said juice  and whenever I ask for juice it means red grape which is why he bought red grape because seriously I would murder you if I catch you drinking my red grape juice it's that fucking good.

And then when he was sleeping and I would rise from unconsciousness and want a drink so that I had something to practice with, I would wake him. Yes people I would wake his ass up and tell him to bring me some juice from the fridge. And he would.

Without a huff. Without a moan. Without a sigh.

He would get up from a deep sleep, bring me a glass of juice which I would drink about a sip from and then return it to the fridge. I am seriously spoiled. You do not even understand how much.

So that is where I have been. I am feeling better but not back. I haven't read any blogs. I will. Eventually. Maybe. Who the fuck am I kidding I don't read blogs. Well except for one or two and you all know who you are and since you're probably the only ones reading this anyways you already know all of this so whatev.

Our regularly scheduled programming will return shortly.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Junkin' With My Moma



































Moma and Cat Daddy at W & T...













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